just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
