Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
