every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
