White coat. Heels.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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