I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
