Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
