Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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