I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
