I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
