if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
