I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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