All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
