So drunk its hurt
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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