3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
