I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
