You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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