I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
