Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
