Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
