I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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