Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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