my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
