Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
