i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
