After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
