I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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