I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
