Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
