dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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