hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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