better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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