So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
