So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
