Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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