We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
