i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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