I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
