If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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