My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
