I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
