you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
