it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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