I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
