what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
