I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
