We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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