wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
