im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am mentally ready for anal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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