Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
