Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
