I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
