I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize