Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
