I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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