well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
