Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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