what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
