She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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