Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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