Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
