PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
