Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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