Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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