I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
