Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
