You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
