Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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