see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
